i fall to my knees, i cry,
“Lord, please take this bitter cup from me,
i don’t want to drink it any more.
give me something pleasing,
some wine to refresh my soul,
some water for my parched lips.”
he kneels down; he draws me close –
tenderly – yet again,
he holds the bitter cup to my lips.
“i’m so sorry child; you must drink again.”
my tears flow; i look up,
and i see that his do too.
with his arm around me, drawing me near,
“drink, again, i must ask you.”
i balk, i resist, i try to spit it out.
it burns my throat; it is too much.
but still he holds the cup
ever so gently to my lips.
i swallow, pain racking my body;
sobs shaking me, i wonder,
how can the one who holds me, comforts me,
be the same one asking this of me?
the same one holding the cup
that leads me near despair?
he looks into my eyes,
“do you trust me?”
i do. i only know him to be kind;
to be good. to be gentle & humble of heart.
“do you know how much i love you?
do you trust that this is for your good?”
in sorrow, yet with peace, i see,
that the hand holding the bitter cup,
is the same hand that is upholding me now.
the heart ordaining my pain,
is the same heart that loves me
more dearly than anyone else.
i marvel, i question, and yet i believe,
the hand that breaks
is the same hand that binds.
the hand which gives me the bitter cup
is the same hand that wipes my tears.
and in both, he is good.
lauren-bowerman.com 
Amen, heartbreaking and beautifully expressed. The hard places of life show faith for the true divine miracle that it is. God bless you and comfort you, and may He grant you to see a small part of what He is accomplishing in and through you. Here are a couple of quotes that I have found encouraging while traveling a similar road. May the Lord bless them to your soul.
“There are two kinds of love: “love because of” the good and beautiful in a person, and “love in spite” of all that this person does to puzzle and hurt us. Obviously, “love in spite of” is superior. It is the most exquisite jewel to be found in the universe. God loves us in spite of our sins. Jesus loved His torturers in spite of what they did to Him. We can love God not only because of the splendid things that enchant us in the universe, but also in spite of the sufferings we encounter. Without pain in this world, the highest form of love could not exist. This love is worth its price.”
Wurmbrand, Richard //(2011-05-24). Proofs of God’s Existence (Kindle Locations 1860-1865). Living Sacrifice Book Company. Kindle Edition.
“I believe that a man of God—under trial and difficulty and affliction, bearing up, and patiently submitting with holy acquiescence and still rejoicing in God—is a real preacher of the Gospel, preaching with an eloquence which is mightier than words can ever be, and which will find its secret and silent way into the hearts of those who might have resisted other arguments! Oh, do then listen to the text, for it is a command from God: ‘Rejoice in the Lord alway!’ (Phi 4:4).”–1895, Sermon 2405
Spurgeon (1834-1892), Charles. Spurgeon Gems (Kindle Locations 640-644). Chapel Library. Kindle Edition.
Craig, thank you so much for these words! I’m so encouraged by them, and by the quotes you shared. I absolutely love the words of Charles Spurgeon – he has been a comfort to me often on this journey. I’m so grateful for you reading and being encouraging to me!
Sweet Lauren,
How deeply you feel; how deeply you love! Thank you for this deeply felt poem; it speaks volumes to me!
I pray for you and Matthew often,
April
Millie’s nana ❤
Thank you so much for this sweet encouragement. And for your prayers – I am so grateful and I don’t take it lightly that you would spend time in prayer for us. It means so much. Thank you!